My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
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