At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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