I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
