oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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