Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
