I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
