I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
