i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
