you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
