you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
