she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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