No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
