hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
