Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
