You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
