I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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