did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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