I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
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