After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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