We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
