Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
