at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
