I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
