How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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