I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
