i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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