I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
