Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
