Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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