Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
