I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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