I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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