I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
