Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
