everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
