I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
