Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
