Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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