I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
