my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
