So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
