While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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