Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
