I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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