I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
