he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
