In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
