I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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