Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
