You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
