Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
