$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
