I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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