Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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